I try not to sound like a whiny broken record, but there are very few things that are on my mind these days, one of them being, well, you know... (unemployment)
I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's so old.
Lately I have been trying to come up with ways to make money some other way, through some sort of self-employment venture, be it as a Mary Kay, Avon, you name it representative, or even trying to start my own business. But nothing seems to be the right fit. I can't seem to find anything that works for me.
And it hits me... that I'm just weird.
Sometimes I pretend I'm not really passionate about anything. But I am. I just don't know if I could major in it in school. Oh wait, I can, but it leaves me unemployed. Because even if my major was not exactly what I wanted, some of my classes did stir something within me... my creative spirit... my longing to tell a story. Pretending I actually could find a way to go to grad school to major in something I know I would like, it would not help me find a "career." It would just make me more educated in weirdness. OK, I'm not really weird, I'm just artistic. I have that kind of soul. Except I've never been one of those stereotypical artsy types. I don't dress that way, act that way, etc., and I'm not saying any of those things are bad or that every artistic person acts that way because I don't even like stereotypes. So I don't even know if this makes sense but I'm sure you know what I mean. The point is, I don't seem "artsy" but I am. And I certainly don't fit any other "group" you can think of. I can't just can't be a nurse or a teacher or a lawyer or a businesswoman or any other normal thing. That's just not who I am.
I listen to music and images come to my mind. And suddenly I want to write a great movie script and edit the trailer to this song I'm listening to and it's all coming to me... except like the plot and the important parts. But I feel the emotion. And even if I do have a plot and a script and it's great, whose going to pick up the story of this early 20s gal from Tennessee? But that's what I want to do with my life. Tell stories and evoke emotions, be it through a book, a script, whatever.
I am dying to see Inception and I hope it doesn't disappoint me because I'm starting to think I want to be Christopher Nolan when I grow up. He hasn't done a lot, but what he has done has been powerful and impacting. Memento (which I have not seen but it looks awesome and I've heard it is), The Prestige, The Dark Knight. I'd be happy with that resume. I don't have to have as much audience, or the same level of fame and recognition. If I felt it was getting to that point, I'd probably hide behind a pen name. I just want to tell stories like that. Stories that make you think. Stories that make you laugh. Stories that make you cry. Stories that move you. That's what I want to do for a living.
I just don't know how to get there. Slowly, that's for sure.
1 comment:
Just because it happens slowly, doesn't mean it won't happen or be worth it several times over when it does. You just need to have a little faith in yourself- you've been blessed with these talents and before anyone else can see them, you have to believe in them.
If you want to write a script, do it. If you put as much emotion and thought into it as you do into your blog or your novel, then someone else will see its value.
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