I'm in that place in life I come to from time to time. I am completely apathetic about almost everything. About the only things I am not apathetic about right now are my friends and family, wedding-related stuff, and my class (though as I try to write my paper for it, I am constantly distracted). That's close to it. I have a video project I need to work on but I'm apathetic about it. I guess I won't go as far as to say that I'm apathetic about my relationship with God, it's just not where it needs to be.
Maybe apathetic is the wrong word. It's not like waking up in the morning is a true burden (psychologically it isn't at least... it's still hard to wake up because I am not a morning person!) It's not like I'm completely unmotivated to do anything. I am still excited about doing the wedding with Rachael next month. It's not like there is no joy in my life. I guess mostly, I feel stuck about this video I am dreading, and I am not really as serious about my walk with Christ or my spiritual responsibilities right now. Does that make sense? Not like I'm running wild, but like today, I told Garrett I don't really know if I want to serve (at church) in any way this next year, not because I don't want to serve, but because with each opportunity we could think of I aptly said, "Nope, I'm not interested," or "Nope, I'd mess that up." The latter is uber lame, I know, but after my failure of leading a Bible study group for college girls this last year, I do not need to take lightly the responsibility of leading the same sort of group for junior high or high school girls.
I also know that the next year of my life is going to be crazy hectic, with school and wedding planning and such. Even though I am only taking twelve hours, one of my classes, Election Night News Coverage, is going to take up a lot of time, I'm sure. I'm sure it will involve me being completely stressed the week or so before Election Day and staying up all night long that night. Post production for this video I am supposedly shooting this summer won't be a cake walk either.
So the point is, I'm at that point where I need to move forward pretty soon, and I'm just not interested. Anyone know where I can find some motivation?
Because it would be really great to have some.
2 comments:
motivation is a hard thing to find. I guess boredom comes from everything being so routine in your life, you just feel like you don't really have anything exciting to get you up anymore. Granted there are good things that are going on in your life, but you are pretty much doing the same thing day in and day out, and that can get boring. So I vote road trip! :) haha. Anyway, if you ever need to talk, you know my number. Hope to see ya soon! Good luck on your final tomorrow!
i definitely understand your problem with motivation . . . i often wake up in the morning with plans of getting things done that day then look around at 9 o'clock pm and realize i've done nothing.
as far as leading in church . . . i think God would completely understand if you took a little time to step back and work on your own life. like you said, between school and the wedding, you won't have a lot of time. i would think that working on maintaining your personal relationship right now would be the most important thing to focus on. you can be a leader spiritually without holding an actual leadership position.
not to mention, as i'm sure you know, that if He had something He wanted you to do, you would know and jump at it.
so i think you should sit back and work on what you need to get done and wait on the opportunity to serve to present itself to you.
anyway, i didn't mean to leave you a novel for a response, but those are my thoughts on reading your post.
as far as not telling you i got a blog . . . i did just start it . . . i was going to get around to telling you! honest!
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