May the Fourth Be With You

(This post has nothing to do with Star Wars.)

It's been almost a year since my college graduation and since I got married. I feel like very little has happened in this past year by way of change (other than getting married and getting out on my own, of course), but I feel I have learned a lot. I know I still have a lot to learn. It seems to me that the early twenties is an interesting time in one's life. Some days you finally feel grown up, and some days you don't. Usually it seems that something you thought you would have by this point in your life is missing: like a certain type of job (or one at all, ahem), a person to share your life with, a certain goal accomplished, or even realizing who you are anymore. You wrestle between the dreams of your childhood and the responsibilities and practicalities of being an adult.

For months I allowed myself to doubt decisions I made about my life, mainly my major in college. I finally have decided to stop thinking that way. When I look back, I know I considered my decision with prayer. I know that no one advised me to do anything differently. I know that I had complete peace about my decision until junior year, and even then it wasn't until a few months after graduation (in the year of the crappy economy, mind you) that I really started to wonder, Was this right?

Truth be told, I believe that whether or not I made the "right" decision, God can still use me. He still has a plan for me. He has not forgotten me. Just because I do not have exactly what I want when I want it does not speak ill of God at all. And even though I may feel like God is ignoring me, or finds my problems not important, or whatever, I have been reassured more and more lately that it is simply not true.

Even though I currently have a silver lining in my job hunt, I get frustrated hearing about people who graduated after me who have decent jobs or have not graduated yet and already have interviews for jobs, and it makes me wonder, once again, what I did wrong, or why God is ignoring me. But I know both to be untrue. I don't know why God has chosen to put me through this stage in life, but I'm sure my dad felt the same way when he was unemployed for quite some time when he was older and much more experienced than I currently am. I hate to gripe when there are people just a few miles away from me who have lost everything in an unexpected and historic flood. The same God who cares for them and who is going to provide for them will do the same for me. I mean, he provides for sparrows. Nothing is small to Him, or maybe you could say everything is minuscule in relation to how massive He is, but that's why He can definitely take care of it better than us.