And This is Where I Babble About Stories and Writing...

So I have I mentioned that I like to write? No, wait, I love to write. Of course I have. But I don't feel nearly practiced enough or good enough for someone who has been writing stories most of her life. It could be because I go on long breaks. It could be because I didn't share my writing for the first 15 years of my writing. It could be because I don't read nearly enough. It could be because most people feel that way about the talent they have (or the thing they enjoy to do and wonder if they are actually talented at it). And sometimes when I have finally have time to write (which is rare these days), it's hard to. I try to force it out and it won't budge. Yet other days it flows so freely and easily, but I never know when these things will happen.

But I don't think that is what this entry is really about. You have been forewarned now that this is a rambling and I make no guarantee of its coherency, so feel free to abandon ship. I write mostly for myself, and that includes writing this blog, though I do appreciate it when others enjoy what I write and say so.

Last night Garrett and I watched The Social Network for the first time, the movie about the founding of Facebook. It was really fascinating and we enjoyed it. You never know how much of these sorts of movies is actually true, but that's besides the point. I knew the script would be engaging because the writer, Aaron Sorkin, is known for the dialogue he writes. And the thing about it is, I don't even know how I would explain to someone why his writing is superior to someone like George Lucas (don't get me wrong, I love Star Wars and we all know that, but the dialogue is seriously lacking). I can't even say it sounds more realistic because everyone talks a million miles a minute and happens to have a quick wit. There's just something about it though.

Every writer and story teller seems to have their own style. I sometimes feel good about my writing until I read someone else's, and then I suddenly feel like mine is not as good. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but ultimately, I probably have a different style. It's hard to compare one to another and say one is better, unless one is just clearly not good. But we all have favorites and preferences, and thankfully different tastes so that for everyone who did not like my writing, there would be someone else who would.

But the problem is I don't even know how to define my style or the type of stories I want to write. I'm still trying to sort it all out. My novel that I worked on while unemployed was a Christian, young adult fiction story that had a very serious connotation (about a shooting) but has many light-hearted moments. I guess that is pretty much the generic genre of drama. Then I have story ideas for modern-day versions of Jane Austen stories (not necessarily literally, just the same sort of attitude. Then I have serious, set-in-the-future, psychological and maybe science fiction ideas that would make epic movies but I can't pan out the details.

I'm just trying to do what I love. I don't care about fitting in a neat category. If I truly got my writing out there the way I want to, I'd be writing for Christian and mainstream, books and scripts. I like it all.

Sometimes I forget how young I actually am, and that gives me some comfort, but I do wish where I was going. I graduated almost two years ago and don't have a permanent job. I recently interviewed with someone and found out yesterday I didn't get it. And I honestly was not upset at all, kind of relieved actually. It did not sound like something I would really enjoy, though it may not have been as bad as it sounded. But every time I go through the interview process I cannot help but think that I was not made for normal work. I am a very hard worker and think I do well working in an office like I currently do, but that is not where I thrive and it is not where I intend to spend the rest of my life. Most people find themselves feeling captive in a job situation though, so why would I be any different?

I don't know. Sometimes I'm so cynical and think this is what life is all about, just getting by doing whatever you can get. But other times I'm more idealistic and hopeful, maybe I have a chance at something more. I try to listen to that side but don't want to get my hopes too up. But as I was reminded for the 90th billion time this morning, you have got to trust God. His sovereignty always comes through, period.

God is good. God is faithful. God is sovereign. That is my new mantra.