It's About LOVE.

I don't know when it started. It could have been last semester when my responsibilities became completely overwhelming, especially with one particular class consuming a lot of time and creating a lot of stress. Maybe it happened before then. It was probably a gradual process over time. All I know is that I don't have the passion or zeal I used to. Somewhere along the way, my relationship with God became focused on tasks, responsibilities, and to-do lists. I forgot how to slow down, focus on God, and just love Him.

While the Bible says, "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts...", it's not about a burdensome task of following rules. Before that it says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. " When we love God and focus on Him, we want to follow Him and obey Him. And for me, it's not necessarily that I don't want to follow Him or obey Him, but I've become tired. Worn out. And complacent. And deep down, I have honestly stopped trusting God that He has a plan for me. I have worried so much that the rest of my life is about doing mundane things, but in my heart I know that's not true.

I am trying so hard to pray more, out of love and not obligation. I know that if I am truly seeking Him I will be amazed by what He has to offer, because I always have been in the past. I don't want to lose sight of the most important thing in my life... the very thing that defines it. And I know that I'm not bound to the law or legalism... just to my love for Christ.