Just Sorting Through Feelings

I've been riding a little bit of an emotional roller coaster these past few days, but as I am working on strengthening my prayer life, I find myself hopeful.

When I got the news that I did not get the job I interview for, I was more surprised than I thought I would be. I thought I prepped myself for the possibility, maybe I should even say the likelihood despite a pretty good interview, but I suppose it just felt too much like personal rejection. That was a few days ago, but yesterday just something small just made me feel kind of blah, and Garrett assured me, "Well I don't think you're worthless."

I looked at him and asked, "How did you know that was exactly what I needed to hear right now?" He's never been real sensitive to my emotions (i.e., he doesn't generally know how I'm feeling unless I tell him), so this was very surprising. But I think even in five months our relationship has grown so much deeper. At first I honestly didn't see a huge difference between being engaged and getting married other living together and such. But now I'm getting it. There really is a different bond and we are understanding each other on a different level that develops over the months (and I'm sure years!).

Anyhow, I don't know what the real point of this post is. I guess I needed to reconcile my feelings of worthlessness as I go through the struggle of hunting for a job (that doesn't stink and that I might kinda sorta enjoy) and no one wanting to hire me. I know I can't take it personally because so many people are applying for the same jobs as me. But there's still that disheartening sense, that wondering if you'll ever actually get to fulfill one of your dreams from childhood (besides marriage and motherhood). I think I'm going to work harder on my writing, to give myself deadlines as if my life (or job or grade or whatever) depends on it, and hope a door opens up with that and/or with something else. If Satan is trying so hard to make me feel disheartened, there must be something out there for me that he wants to keep me from. I have to remember God doesn't work on the same timetable as me, my life isn't over at 23, and I He still wants to use me.