Last night I heard something that I had heard before, and am still trying to decide whether or not I agree.
Is there a "the one" for everybody? I don't mean like, is EVERYONE destined to be with somebody, but for all the people who are going to end up married, are they supposed to ultimately end up with a certain person? Last night I heard the opinion of no, there is not. Part of me agrees, and part of me disagrees.
I am very confident that God pointed out Garrett to me as the one I should marry. I would not have even started dating him had I not felt this was the case, due to the point I was at my life. Is this to say that I could not have been happy with someone else? No, I believe I really could have been. Did I choose to love him forever and marry him? Yes. So, it seems I could have chosen someone else and been happy. But at the end of the day, I really, really feel like God wanted me and Garrett to be together. And really, we really complement each other in so many ways that I would have not been able to see by just staying friends with him and deciding whether or not I wanted to date him. It's like I needed a push to see that. So in my case, it would seem that Garrett is "the one" for me.
I also think it would seem important who you end up with because it makes a difference in the children that are brought into the world. God can undoubtedly use anyone any way he wishes, but I wonder if it was important for Billy Graham's parents to be who they were for him to be who he is, and same with other people of the like. But as I also said before, God can use anyone. Maybe if Billy Graham had never come to be, God would have used another guy with another name to do the same exact thing. Is there a difference? Does it matter? Well, I kind of think it does, but I'm also not 100% certain. This actually seems to go back to the question of God's sovereingty vs. man's free will, which is also fun to discuss... at least, if you like to discuss that sort of thing. Which I used to before I got tired of the argument.
But I digress...
I understand not believing that there is only one perfect person for you, when, as I said, many people out there could be a good match. But I also wonder, how would you choose if you felt you had options? I mean, if three guys (or gals) were equally great, or at least it seemed, but one was more rich or more handsome (beautiful), wouldn't you be judging for shallow reasons? Of course, I'm not sure if I know of anyone who has actually faced the dilemma of, "Wow, I know three guys I wouldn't mind marrying... which should I choose?", or at least where all three were actually available options to them. I know that if I had stayed in Texas, I could have also found a great guy for me there (or I would eventually if I had not yet by this point). But God moved me to TN. God pointed me out to Garrett. That's what I do know.
I have no conclusive answers, but I am very interested in hearing your opinions.
9 comments:
i dont really feel like getting defending my answer right now, but in short, no, i dont believe God has one specific person set aside each and every one of us.
mkay.. this might be long and might not make sense.. but here it goes. I feel that there is more than one person that you are meant to be with. I honestly thought Graham and I would end up together, and if it hadn't been for certain events, there is no doubt in my mind we would probably be married by now. But those things did happen. I changed, and we grew apart. Whatever we had, wasn't enough to hold us together. Now that doesn't mean that I don't love him, but its a different kind of love. The kind of love that you only get from your first love.
Kenneth and I are complete opposites. I didn't see us together until I couldn't deny it any more. I had to choose between two guys. Both of which were amazing. But in the end I had to choose. Granted it wasn't 3 guys, but I never wish that upon anyone! I agree with you about what you said about Garrett. I chose to love Kenneth and that love does grow overtime, but at the same time, if something tragic were to happen to either one of us, we each know that we want the other to be happy. If that means finding another person, then that is what it means.
What was to happen if something were to happen, if everyone was just supposed to have one soul mate. There would be a lot less marriage and less divorce, but what happens to the people who never find the other and want to be married? You can't hold out for the one. You choose to love who love, and hope you are making the right choice. Its a leap of faith.. and sometimes, it turns out to be the best ride of your life :) I wouldn't trade all the mistakes that I have made with guys, because I know that they wouldn't have led me to Kenneth. And as far as I am concerned, he is the best thing that could have happened to me.
Amy, I agree with some of what you said. I guess I should have clarified when I said "the one" I didn't mean you would be hopeless after your spouse/loved one died. Garrett and I agree we want the other to remarry should that happen.
One thing I would point out in what you said though is about you and Graham vs. you and Kenneth. While you and Graham could have conceivably ended up together, obviously it wasn't the best idea, and it didn't happen. Of course then there was Kenneth and you vs. you and the other guy, so without knowing more about the situation I can't say anything about that. But still, we are in agreement that regardless, love is still a choice.
I sorta agree with you about how you can't just hold out for the one, but at the same time I don't. I suppose it depends on your definition of "the one" (which I don't know if I clearly defined mine). If you're just waiting for THE perfect guy, the knight in shining armor, I'm with you, good luck with that because it won't happen. But I don't think you should just settle with anyone. Anyhow, regardless, lots of prayer should definitely be made in the decision. Thanks for the thoughts! It gave me some new things to think about!
i think that God has a person for us if that is his will for our life. i think we can choose that person and follow God's will or choose to go a different path... if that makes any sense.
for me, i knew that God was leading me to nathan. i am convinced that God has/had a plan for us to be together. and though situations may change (death or some other factor), he is the one for me now. i believe God orchestrated everything that lead us together. we both prayed about it continually and knew it was right.
i think people are all too eager to call someone they are dating "the one". i think when you know, YOU KNOW. i have thought 'perhaps' with other guys before... but that was my emotions getting involved and not my faith and my heart. God was not directing that... but with nathan I KNEW. it was completely different.
Very good thoughts, Rachael! I agree!
whew....i have a lot of thoughts about this. maybe a list will help?
1. I absolutely believe in soul mates.
2. I think the word "soul mate" can be dangerous. And limiting. (See: Twilight)
3. God is sovereign.
4. We live in a fallen world, where God uses sin for our good...for example, my parents are divorced. I don't believe they were soul mates. But if they had never been married, I wouldn't exist. Now, my mom is married to the man whom I believe really is her soul mate.
5. I do believe that if your soul mate dies, you can be happy with someone else.
6. God's timing is NOT our timing.
That's all for now...though I'm sure I have more thoughts :)
i think anyone's answer to this question would have to be based on what they believe in the predestination/free will debate.
(i'm sick of that one, too ;) )
i heard the idea of soul-mates explained once as finding the person who completes you--and changes you--in exactly how you need at that time in your life. thus you could have multiple soul mates, but only one at a time.
i don't know if i'm making sense--writing a million pages of crap for school has fried my brain--or even if i completely agree with that theory, but i thought i would throw it out there.
i completely agree with elizabeth... we talked about it last night and she says it much better than i did earlier.
brian, you hit the nail on the head as to why i didnt want to explain my opinion on this!
free-will vs predestination is an exhausting subject to approach!
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