10 Things You Should Know About Me

1. I am a Christian.
This is obvious to most I know. When I was six years old, I understood what Jesus did for me and wanted to accept Him in my life. Of course, a six-year-old can't fully grasp what it means to have a relationship with Christ (not that a 21-year-old can), and while I learned and grew some, my understanding of Christ grew significantly when I was about 12. That was when I entered the youth group and started to understand how all the Bible stories I had learned growing up applied to my life. That's really the first time in my life that something happened that really challenged my faith in Christ. All through junior high I grew closer and closer to Christ.

I was not typical back then. I can read my journals from back then and see that I was more excited about Christ than I am now. I was more willing to stand up for my beliefs. I was frustrated by the kids around me who did not understand what I did. It was a lonely time in my life, because I felt that no one else (my age, anyways) understood. By my freshman year of high school, I was a leader in the youth group and had some awesome experiences. Now I have grown much more complacent, but as you can tell, I know where I have been and know that I need to move forward, not backward. So while I am complacent many times, I have not lost trust. I am still seeking God, even if it is not as earnestly as I ought to be. I know what I believe is true because I have questioned it. I know because I have experienced God in many ways. My relationship with Him defines me.

2. I am an only child.
I am not used to sharing. I have been fairly spoiled growing up. I need time alone to myself, and when people infringe on that time, I am not happy. I would rather do a project by myself than with others. I am pretty independent. I have plans and set timetables in my mind for various things, and when those are interfered with by an outside force (by people, not God), I get really upset. Sometimes I don't like surprises because of this. I am an extreme perfectionist. I expect so much out of myself, and when I don't fulfill it I get anxious and upset. These are all things I need to work on.

3. I am strong-willed and opinionated.
I was literally born this way. Before I could talk I was picking out my shoes and I have always made myself clear about what I think. My mom raised me on "The Strong-Willed Child" by Dr. Dobson, which helped my mom raise me so that I could channel this gift/curse for good and not for evil. When I have feelings about something, they are probably strong, regardless of whether it's strongly positive or strongly negative. It has only been over the past five-ish years that I have finally begin to learn discernment in when and when not debate a matter. If I wanted to, I could argue with a fence post, but I have withheld such extreme arguing in these last several years, especially now I am older and realize that I really do not know everything. Ask me for my opinion though, and I will let you know, without hesitation.

4. I am black and white.
This sort of goes along with what I mentioned before. Because of my strong opinions, I tend to either see things as either right or wrong. There isn't a lot of gray in my book. Of course, a lot of what I see as right and wrong I base off the Bible, and I still cannot fathom how some "Christians" can just totally disregard the Bible on a matter and act like something is ok when it's clearly not. I have a whole other blog post about this issue alone so I won't digress any further now...

5. I am politically conservative.
Now that you have read the last two points, you should know I do not take this position lightly. I am not conservative solely because my parents are conservative. I am not conservative because I'm a Christian and that's what is expected. I am politically conservative because going to college challenged my beliefs, and thus strengthened them as I was forced to reckon with what I had been raised with. The way I see it, a conservative believes in and values personal responsibility, believes that the individual should have more say over their life and their children's lives than the government should. A conservative wishes to maintain the foundation of our country, but not to the point of refusing to progress. A conservative is realistic, hard-working, and values freedom. I am all these things.

My number one issue is abortion. I know it will be hard to ban if it ever is, but I absolutely cannot vote for someone who is pro-choice. I do am not anti-abortion because I am a Christian, but because I took a biology class where I learned that by the time a woman knows she's pregnant, her baby's heart is beating. Beating heart = living person. Since I do believe murder is wrong, as do many non-Christians, I believe that aborting a "fetus" with a beating heart is murder. I would say sorry if I offended anyone, but I'm really not. It is considered a double homicide to kill a pregnant woman, because there are two lives that are thwarted! How hypocritical that the death of a "fetus" is only the death of a baby when it is wanted, not when it is not wanted. How convenient. And no, I do not believe it is a woman's choice to murder a baby. The baby is not a part of her body. He or she is a living being with their own body that happens to be developing in yours because of a choice you (probably) made. You have no right to choose the destiny of an innocent child that has no voice.

Like abortion, I feel like most liberal politics is about making excuses and finding ways to justify laziness. Like the notion of taxing really rich people an insane amount. I understand they will be taxed more than average people, but to tax them even more than "more" so that the money can be given to someone who is not working as hard as them irritates the crap out of me. Not only that, but the more you tax rich people, the less likely they are going to be to donate their money willingly to perfectly good causes that could use the money more than some lazy-butt. I believe that the money you earn should be the money you keep. If you want more, work harder. 98% of the time it works. And when it doesn't, good friends and good, selective government programs can help.

Moving on...

6. People fascinate me and irritate me all at once.
I actually really, really love people. But I must confess, it's pretty conditional.

I think people are interesting. And we are all living life, trying to figure things out, and I love to hear people's stories. I love interacting with them. I love people. But man, people do stupid things. And that frustrates me so much. Maybe that's why I love psychology: because it helps me understand people better in general, and it also helps me understand why sometimes they're so dumb!

But seriously, I value loyalty. Once I'm friends with someone, I want to be their friend for life. I may not see someone for years, but it doesn't mean I don't care.

7. I have dated one guy.
Because of the close relationship with Christ I established over my teen years, I felt Him calling me to a different sort of love story than what most others experience: one reserved for one man, just for marriage but period. I knew I was not going to date around. And I actually knew (or was fairly positive) that I would be marrying right out of college. God just really gave me a strong desire for certain things, and for purity, and it has been amazing to see how it has come to be. It has not all been smooth sailing or picture-perfect, but everything that has happened between Garrett and I has made us stronger. I am so thankful for the journey God has taken us on, and I am excited to see where we go from here.

8. I create stories in my mind.
I almost feel silly saying this. Isn't this normal? Doesn't everyone create stories, daydream, have their own worlds? From what I have learned, apparently not. Because these stories that I sometimes am not even trying to create just naturally arrive in my mind and play out in my mind like a movie, I am creative. I can visualize images too, but unfortunately am not skilled in drawing to express it (and I actually can't describe them very well. So the images in my mind either have to be filmed or will be failed to see by others). I create conversations in my mind between different people. I love writing out these conversations. I don't know why. Maybe it's totally weird. But when it comes down to it, I love a story that resonates, a story about life and human nature.

9. I am too afraid to tell people what I really think.
Wait a second, wasn't I talking about how opinionated I was earlier? Yeah, I can give opinions all day long. What I am afraid of talking about, however, is what I know about people. Basically, I am scared to tell people the truth. I feel have some wisdom and discernment from God about when people are doing the wrong thing. But I don't want to tell them. For starters, I don't like confrontation when I believe it will interfere with my friendship. I can debate for fun, but forget actually telling someone that something they believe is way off base, completely wrong, and sinful. Or sometimes, it's the opposite. I may think someone is super awesome, doing the right thing, and I want to encourage them. But we're not very close, and telling them would be awkward. I hate awkward. Not as much as friendship-endangering conflict, but I still don't care for it.

Secondly, I think my fear for (specifically) calling people out is because of the negative impact it has had in my life. I have been called out before, in a way that I felt was not done properly or out of love, but rather out of blind judgment. It was on something that is actually not black and white (and believe me, I would know!) and came from someone that hardly spoke to me. It was not their place. And the problem is, often it is not my place either. But when it probably is, I am still paralyzed with fear. And I don't know what to do about it.

10. I don't want to settle.
I am a big believer in quality. And not just when shopping for clothes and electronics and the like (though that is most certainly true). I get bored with average photography, average design, average anything. I want to see talent, something extraordinary. I have high expectations for myself and for everyone else. What scares me though is that I don't fit the bill. I feel like I don't really excel in anything. And that scares me, because I don't want to have an average job that requires average skills and be considered average. I want to do excel in something creative that I can share with the world and make money doing. I don't want to be a "prosumer", someone who tries to achieve that professional quality but falls drastically short. Falling a little short but always growing and learning and improving is normal and fine. But when people are think they have talent and really have no idea, that drives me nuts. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to settle. I want to be beyond average.